If any parents are out there, please don't do this. Your children are independent adults and they have their own values and goals. They are not an investment opportunity or a vessel for your own unfulfilled aspirations. If you make your kids feel that you're disappointed in them you're just going to make them miserable and resentful and you'll have a lousy relationship as adults. Please value your children's happiness and well-being over prestige and money.
It's a fine line that's hard to walk. In stark contrast to my asian parents, my wife had hippie Oregonian parents who said "do whatever makes you happy!" She regrets a little that they never gave her the information and support she needed to pursue Ivy-league colleges.
It's not your job as a parent to prioritize happiness over prestige and money, just as its not your job to prioritize the other way. What you bring to the table as a parent is experience and knowledge of the world, and you need to make sure your kids have the information they need to make the decisions they need to make. Maybe your kid grows up and wants to be an investment banker making a few million a year. You don't have to push them in that direction, but it's valuable to them if you tell them what they need to do to prepare for that if they ultimately want to pursue that.
And keep in mind: nearly everyone will value money more at 35 than at 15, but the decisions we make that lead to that are often made long before we can appreciate what the impact will be.
Your wife's parents might not have known. There was an article no too long ago describing how kids in the midwest are at a disadvantage because kids never learn to perceive elite schools as substantially better than most state schools.
My opinion is that the real value of elite prep schools is that they teach (indoctrinate?) you elite values through the culture, your peers, actions of your peers etc. They tell you what to do, instill in you a belief that you are "worthy" and capable and give you the tools on how to do it.
I think the key word in what I wrote is "adult". Whatever fine line may exist with kids, at some point people start to value their independence and you do more harm then good by trying to pressure them.
