There's many reasons why this piece wasn't made for me, so I don't want to begrudge anyone, but I wonder how much we can do to alieve this as a society by normalizing childlessness. I never wanted to have kids, but if I did, I doubt I would've been willing to endure what the author did for it. You can (and honestly I think most people should) live a long and fulfilling life without having kids. Myself and so many of my peers were raised in households that really were not good places for children. I'm of course grateful to exist and indebted to my mother for her countless sacrifices, but it pains me to think about how much happier she might have been if she didn't feel compelled to become a mother. I hope someday having children becomes the exception rather than the norm, because it doesn't feel like something that should be taken lightly. I hope that finding out you're infertile can be met with "Oh, okay. I guess I'll do something else then," the same way that folks with imperfect vision can't be pilots or astronauts and those with tremors can't be surgeons. I'm glad IVF is available for people who want to pursue it, I just want to live in a world where no one has kids "by default" without truly accepting the toll it will take.
Another quick thought - so long as we live in a world where children in need of adoption exist, I hope we can make adopting more normal too. If you're in a position to become a parent, why on Earth would adoption not be the default? It seems much better for everyone involved. The fixation on breeding and having children whose genetics perfectly match your own is strange and mildly alarming to me.
Although I agree with your sentiment, it should be remembered that the fixation on breeding is fundamentally baked into our psychology by evolution. We can argue against it logically, but we can't tell people to just stop feeling a certain way.
Adoption is incredibly, incredibly hard. Especially in Western countries, there are actually more people who want to adopt than there are kids to adopt. When you add in overseas adoption, it gets even harder and more expensive.
In short, adoption is incredibly expensive, stressful, and not a sure thing.
> hope someday having children becomes the exception rather than the norm, because it doesn't feel like something that should be taken lightly.
Doesn't this seem extremely selfish?
The fewer mothers there are, the more children each mother will have to give birth to.
If one in two women decide to become mothers, then each mother needs to have four children. If one in four become mothers, then it means each mother needs to give birth to eight children.
Since you are depending on those children to work for you during retirement, you're essentially leeching off other people's children.
No wonder mothers no longer think they are sacrificing themselves for their children, but rather for a capitalist machine that requires more bodies.
I'm confused. Your second to last paragraph implies an anti-capitalist stance, and yet the rest of your post reiterates capitalist propaganda. All of your “has to”s/“needs to”s fall under this. Needs to for what? For the grass to grow and the birds to sing? No, it's for the capitalist machinery to chug along.
You also talk about selfishness but at same time are implying that you want children to work so that you can have your cushy retirement. Our society should just stick together in solidarity; to paint this as “leeching” is also capitalist propaganda.
