To look at it in information-theoretic terms, you need a higher-bandwidth channel to communicate about "core" experiences like love. Labels condense information by encoding culture and definition into them. So it's tempting to reach for them. But if the person you're communicating with doesn't share the same culture and definition, then you wind up mis-communicating until you can work out the source of the disconnect.

Labels are great for talking about computer software systems. Not so much for love.

For me, and to use your terms, I can't feel romantic love for someone without also having desire for them. I can care deeply for them, want the best for them whether it's with or without me, but in order for me to have a loving relationship with someone, desire has to be a constant undercurrent. I cannot spend copious amounts of time with a person otherwise, I start to retreat back into myself. Desire is that thing that draws me out and allows others in, it's absolutely essential.

So, while your love / desire divide may work well enough for your purposes, it won't necessarily for other people. You can try to adapt the framework to accommodate them, but do this too many times and you're left with a mess.

It's best to just share your own experiences with as plain of language as you can and let other people come up with their own abstractions.

That's what I meant by saying that desire can be the gateway to love. Desire helps you commit, love can grow from that point on.

Without the strong feelings that often characterize the first period in a relationship, I or the other would probably have bailed out before even figuring out if some of these issues can be resolved.

Of course, the downside is that I've found myself spending a lot of time and energy in the infatuation phase only to discover that there were fundamental incompatibilities and wondering how I could have felt so strongly about this other person in the first place. But I guess that's unavoidable.