Ah, but it is directly applicable no? Showing the issue, even.
Why do you care about relationships at all except for your short/long term emotional needs, safety, etc?
Because #2 then is not actually optimal or perfect then for that stated goal, correct? It isn’t playing to social norms.
#3 and #4 tend to produce better outcomes in that sense. And #4 also can provide useful contextual information on a person, which is necessary for having a real relationship with them.
So isn’t hating these kinds of interactions, actually hating the difficulty you have in meeting emotional/relationship needs naturally? Instead of having of do exhausting rational work all the time while emotionally disliking (or even hating) it for reasons that are nearly impossible to see?
And this discussion is me demonstrating that. Because now you hate me, eh? But not because I’m wrong. But because it’s a truth you don’t know how to change or make better, and for which knowing makes it more painful - as it strips away the comforting self image.
Interestingly, despite what folks say, this also appears to be why a lot of people get so angry when someone offers unsolicited advice.
Because it’s often a solution that could work, if it wasn’t for the problem they had that they can’t seem to fix - because it hurts too much even seeing it.
> Why do you care about relationships at all except for your short/long term emotional needs, safety, etc?
Because I care about people as people. They have their own lives. Their existence isn't defined by their utility to me.
I just can't instinctively navigate verbal communication and social norms. I had to learn everything through logical analysis, which is very slow and difficult to apply in real time.
It's no different than if I had a significant speech impediment. My dislike of social norms is solely due to the barriers it creates to communication.
And no, I don't hate you. I'm just frustrated with the assumptions you're making.
Then I’m deeply sorry, as you’re disconnected from a deep well of non-rational (really ‘not ok to acknowledge socially’ but rational) protective instincts. It makes everything much harder. That’s why you’re having to compensate with relatively expensive rational analysis.
Personally, I’ve found EMDR to be helpful to reconnect, but it’s not an easy road. And it may not be applicable here either.
Why do you care about relationships at all except for your short/long term emotional needs, safety, etc?
Because #2 then is not actually optimal or perfect then for that stated goal, correct? It isn’t playing to social norms.
#3 and #4 tend to produce better outcomes in that sense. And #4 also can provide useful contextual information on a person, which is necessary for having a real relationship with them.
So isn’t hating these kinds of interactions, actually hating the difficulty you have in meeting emotional/relationship needs naturally? Instead of having of do exhausting rational work all the time while emotionally disliking (or even hating) it for reasons that are nearly impossible to see?
And this discussion is me demonstrating that. Because now you hate me, eh? But not because I’m wrong. But because it’s a truth you don’t know how to change or make better, and for which knowing makes it more painful - as it strips away the comforting self image.
Interestingly, despite what folks say, this also appears to be why a lot of people get so angry when someone offers unsolicited advice.
Because it’s often a solution that could work, if it wasn’t for the problem they had that they can’t seem to fix - because it hurts too much even seeing it.